Nurses in My Life

There are 2.9 million nurses in the United States. My life is blessed because of the nursing profession.

My wife is one of them. For nearly a decade she has tirelessly worked the 12-hour shift occurring on nights, weekends, holidays, and regular days at LDS Hospital and Intermountain Medical Center in Murray, Utah in the newborn intensive care unit working with premature infants.

I’ve seen Lynnette come home so tired and emotionally drained because of concern over one of her patients that I’ve wondered what she’s been doing all day. Because of HIPPA laws she is not at liberty to tell me. However, I know somewhere out in our community there is a family who is better for having my wife in their life during a challenging time period to provide comfort and medical care.

As a professional patient living with a severe heart problem, I have not only fallen in love with and married one of the finest nurses, but I’ve been cared for by hundreds of these folks my entire life.

A couple of weeks ago, I was extremely fortunate with my wife to host a party for the many pediatric nurses who cared for me during my seven-week stay in Primary Children’s Medical Center when I received a heart transplant. They don’t usually see each other out of scrubs, so we enjoyed a wonderful time eating food, talking, and listening to several musician friends play music.

Photo: Some of my nurses from the PCMC CSU Unit

I could not think of a kinder group of people who selflessly serve and accommodate families without much public recognition. I can play a piece of music and an audience of a thousand applauds. Yet, these nurses tenderly and quietly care for individuals and no one knows about it except those involved. Such acts of kindness and service are the miracles distributed in the medical community.

Family Reunion

Our family enjoyed a reunion in Park City, Utah. As expected the gathering was not the same without the presence of my younger brother Brian who passed away last June. His beautiful pregnant wife Anna and spirited daughter Ava joined us and we mobbed them with love.

With all that has transpired in our lives, our Cardall family was still able to gather in humility, love, friendship. We also had a lot of laughter.

After the reunion our family went to the Salt Lake City to set a temporary headstone on Brian’s grave. I say temporary because the city requires the ground to settle before the grave receives a permanent tombstone.

My younger brother David and Dad built a cement base. As the cement settled, Brian's wife Anna had Ava did a hand and foot print in the cement along with the words inscribed “I Love You Daddy.”

I wish people had what I've been fortunate to enjoy. Along with the overwhelming love I feel from my gorgeous wife Lynnette and sweet daughter Eden, my parents are still together and they love each other.

"In a world of turmoil and uncertainty, it is more important than ever to make our families the center of our lives and the top of our priorities," said L. Tom Perry

I Love My Wife

Today I want to express my love for my family, friends, sweet daughter Eden, and most importantly my wife Lynnette. What I have learned of romantic love and the beauty of marriage I have learned from her. When I speak of hope for a bright future she is the sun rising from the darkness bringing warmth that moves through me.

We have a pure love that no one can take from us. It's a bond, a friendship, that defies this world. Our love is bound by our commitment to each other. I pray daily I may live worthy of her love and give her the respect every woman deserves no matter what comes our way.

"Pure love is its kindness, its selfless quality, its lack of ego and vanity and consuming self-centeredness," according to Jefferey R. Holland. My wife has all of these qualities. He continues, "Charity suffereth long, and is kind, [charity] envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own.”

Again, thanks for all your thoughts, prayers, faith, fasting, or how-ever you choose to worship on our behalf. God is my friend and though life is a wild ride and difficult at times it is also incredibly satisfying. I would do it all over again!

My Apology & Our Rocking Chairs

Please forgive me for not responding to your considerate comments, kind expressions, and wonderful messages. I have read each one with great appreciation and sincere humility.

The past month has been a bittersweet experience. My brother’s death knocked the wind right out of me. Because of that I’ve chosen to focus more intently on my family and their needs. I love and admire every one of you. Thank you for your friendship.

In lieu of our situation I said to my wife, “Go out and by our rocking chairs. I don’t want to wait to grow old with you. I would love to sit with you on the porch today!”

Lynnette brought home two beautiful chairs. The only problem is that we need a third chair for Eden. My sweet little girl is jealous and wants her own chair. She cracks me up. And so, tomorrow we’ll start looking for a third chair. The store evidently sold us the last two black rocking chairs. I'm sure we can find a pink one for our little diva.

The Highest Peak of Our Lives

Utah weather is wacky. One day it is cool with rain and the next day dry and a hot 95 degrees. Even though I’m outside as much as I can, I feel a peaceful storm coming where I will get a transplant and experience a challenging recovery. I could get a phone call from my doctor at any moment saying, "Paul, we have a heart for you."

I have confidence in my surgeon’s ability to pull it off. I don’t doubt that. But, I fear the recovery. Will I be claustrophobic? I have felt uncomfortable in the past for simple procedures. Will I go crazy or feel extremely restless? I've experienced some of those feelings before in the hospital and this is my greatest fear. I'm not afraid of the surgery and the physical pain as much as the fear of having no control over my mind and body. I’m sure these questions and emotions are natural. Despite these insecurities, I am at peace knowing that the entire team is prepared.

I am also preparing my mind and soul. My daughter, wife, and whole family is on my mind. And now with the sudden death of my dear sweet friend and brother Brian I want to fight that much more. I want to live for these people who I love.

But, my brother Brian inspires me. He climbed the face of mountains and accomplished many great things. As my wife and I climb one of the grandest peaks of our lives I’m ready and comforted because I know he’ll be close by. Others won’t see, feel, or notice him. But, I know he’ll be there along with so many others pulling me up that steep mountain of recovery.

In the meantime, we’ve been spending more time together as a family doing a few fun things. I have some renewed energy, which I attribute to everyone’s prayers and good medicine. In fact, last night we ran for Ice Cream at Baskin' Robbins. My girl Eden always orders the clown, bites off all the decorations, and then offers to trade deserts with my wife. Eden will eat most of Lynnette’s ice cream and then want to swap back leaving her mother an empty cone. We laugh. Eden is a character.

My sweet girl has been asking about Brian. We went to the cemetery and she wanted to see what she terms his body as the “pretend” Brian. We told her that he’s not there and has gone to be with Jesus. Trying to explain death to a toddler is quite difficult. It was helpful that the day before Brian’s death Eden and I walked outside to find a dead robin. I said, “Look, it’s not moving.” She asked why? “Because he’s died. The life inside of him went to be with Jesus leaving his body behind.” I got a shovel and we dug a little hole in a section of our garden. I put the bird in the ground and we covered him with the earth. She said, “I want to see it again.” I said we couldn’t, at least not now, but possibly someday. I didn’t realize the profound impact of all of this dying talk until a couple evenings later. It was after Brian’s funeral, while Lynnette was working, Eden slept next to me. With some sadness and frustration on her face she said, “Dad, I don’t want you to go with Jesus.” I told her I would do my best but if I had to go be with Jesus, Brian and the bird would take good care me. She understood.

Celebrate Motherhood

On this special day where we celebrate motherhood I want to express my love and appreciation to my beautiful wife Lynnette, the mother of my gorgeous child Eden, who chose a life with me knowing I might not grow old and she may be alone for a season.

I love you! Let’s do it all over again.

Also, to my own mother Margaret who selflessly cared for me and my 7 other siblings, she was there by my hospital bedside every day and has continued to lift me up with great hope.

Where do I get my optimism? From my mother and her mother, my angel Grandma Layton, who also raised an army of good people who lift the world and make life a better experience for others.

I miss my patriarchal Grandma Joy whose life was extraordinary and raised a great man in my father whose faith is solid.

And to my mother in law Ardith who passed away of cancer when my wife was 8 years old leaving behind 10 children and a humble schoolteacher husband. Ardith had cancer for 5 years beginning when Lynnette was only 3 (the age of our daughter Eden). I look forward to the day when Ardith and I become great friends. Son in laws should always catch up with the mother.

Abraham Lincoln perfectly spoke what I feel, “All that I am and ever hope to be I owe to my angel mother.”

(Picture: Top - Kathryn Turly took this beautiful picture of Lynnette with Eden when our girl was a couple weeks old, Bottom - With my mother in 1973 after my POTTS shunt CHD surgery)

Deseret News | Savoring every day

Young family anxiously awaits heart transplant
By Carrie A. Moore (Published: Saturday, April 4, 2009)

Photo by Jeffery D. Allred

As a student nurse, Lynette Cardall knew enough about severe health problems to realize the gravity of her decision to marry a man with congenital heart disease.

Her father, left a widower when Lynnette was only 8 years old, had often told her "the hardest thing I ever did was lose your mom." So when she told him she wanted to marry Paul Cardall — knowing her fiance's chances of dying young — her father reminded her of his own difficult life experience.

"Just make sure you think about the decision," he counseled.

Click Here to Read the Article (DeseretNews.Com)

Week 3 - On the List - And some thoughts

I am in my third week waiting for a heart. It could be up to a year so I don't have any anxieties. Both my wife and I continue to feel the comfort and peace we had hoped for in this process.

We've been fortunate not to have Lynnette working for the past 16 months because we've enjoyed the benefits of COBRA insurance. She loves being a stay at home mom and I love having her around. Eden and I are sad to see her going back to work so we have good medical coverage for what lies ahead. Lynnette works in the Newborn Intensive Care Unit at the new Inter-mountain Medical Center. I know that if I had a child in the N.I.C.U. I couldn't ask for a better, kinder, more beautiful nurse. She is very good at what she does. And I admire her abilities. It is a difficult job.

We have an incredible family who is going to help us out when Lynnette works. My daughter, with all of her beautiful energy of life, can be tiring and ware you down. But, I think every parent understands this whether you're in heart failure or not. So I look forward to spending a lot of time with Eden before I get the call.

In regards to waiting for a heart and experiencing the symptoms of heart failure, I've known challenges like these throughout my life and I believe it is because of our faith in a loving and understanding God that my family always seems to grow closer together during these difficult times.

You can't know the sweetness in life without tasting the bitterness of life. There is no reason to blame God for what we are subject to. I believe we chose to experience earthly life as part of a three act play in the eternal nature of things. We are in the second act. God knows what's ahead for us in the third and final act. Like any loving parent, he loves seeing us grow and mature from the choices we make. But above all, at times we make poor choices or are hurt by the choices of others, and like the child who falls from a bike and cries for their mother and father, there is a loving Savior who is there to wipe away our tears and heal our wounds.