Did you just say esophagogastroduodenoscopy?

If my toddler read this entry she would probably ask if I learned it watching “Sid the Science Kid.” Unfortunately, when it comes to medicine I learn from experience.

The twice-daily lovenox shots I shied away from almost 8 months ago are now as painless as brushing your teeth. Designers of the insulin just need to sharpen the needles to get through thickening scar tissue. And so it goes with lab work, tests, and now minor outpatient surgery.

Cardiologists Melanie Everitt and Angela Yetman have been concerned about possible esophageal varices, which are extremely dilated sub-mucosal veins in my lower esophagus. They are most often a consequence of portal hypertension, commonly due to cirrhosis; patients with esophageal varices have a strong tendency to develop bleeding. It would make an already difficult transplant recovery much more challenging.

And so this past Monday I underwent a minor outpatient procedure referred to as an upper gastrointestinal test or esophagogastroduodenoscopy. Can you believe that word? You would think Mary Poppins had made it up.

Nonetheless, Dr. Dan Jackson at Primary Children’s Medical Center in Salt Lake City, Utah performs these all of the time and pronounces the word perfectly.

I walked into the operating room, laid flat on the narrow table a top what I call a patient's Tempur-Pedic mattress. I enjoyed some brief conversation with a few of the surgical nurses while a gifted anesthesiologist put me to sleep. I probably didn't get to finish what I was saying. Nonetheless, it was not very important.

While subdued, Dr. Jackson inserted a tube down my throat into my stomach. He pushed a minature camera in a pill form through me. Fortunately, he found no major concerns. There are a few varices in the lower third of my esophagus but nothing that needed banding.

While subdued Dr. Everitt was kind enough to arrange the removal of my existing picc line and reinsert in the same vein a double lumen picc so I can begin receiving nutritional formulas containing salts, glucose, amino acids, lipids and added vitamins this coming week. It is called total parenteral nutrition (TPN) and will help my body stay tuned up for major surgery.

Earlier that day my father Duane and wife Lynnette volunteered to keep me company. We’ve been through this before and so they came equipped with laptops and books to keep them busy.

I often feel sorry for the many parents who’ve come for the first time with nothing to do but pace the floor and watch Hanna Montana on the children’s hospital network television. Of course, I’m not sure what’s worse? Having surgery, or watching Zac & Cody on Disney channel and learning how suite their life is?

As of today, my sore throat is gone. But, at some point, I bit my lip and developed a few canker sores. No matter, I'm very pleased with the results and the procedure was practically painless.