A Health Update & Hosptial Life

Hospital life has made it more difficult to come up with something wonderful to say. The truth is I am tired and anxiously hoping to get the show on the road.

After three weeks of living in the hospital doctors have continued feeding me with intravenous nutrition. In addition, I’m getting a steady stream of milrinone through IV.

I deeply and sincerely appreciate all of your prayers, thoughts, letters, emails, comments, and support. I’m overwhelmed by your love and care.

Throughout this past year your kindness has constantly reminded me of the words in St. Matthew 25:35-40, “For I was hungered, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me… Verily, I say unto you, inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethen, ye have done it unto me.” I am one of the very least of these and I am grateful for your adherence to follow Jesus.

I am having more fluid in my lungs and trouble breathing. As a result, I’m receiving more doses of lasix and an increase in oxygen requirements.

Since, I am more tired doctors have changed my visiting hours from 5-8pm. I deeply and sincerely appreciate your visits as well as the privacy you are showing our family at this time as we approach the final months of our dilemma.

The photo of me with the ICE Cream has a great story. My friend Josh Russell of Russell's Ice Cream which was sold to Farr's is manufacturing new flavors. Josh was coming to visit and asked what flavor I wanted. Of course, I said, "Bubble Gum" not knowing if they had bubble gum. Josh and his wife showed up with this half gallon of bubble gum, which his dad spent all day making especially for me. How cool is that? (Eden, Lynnette, and Me would go get Bubble Gum Ice Cream weekly this past year)

My State of Mind is to Follow Good Counsel

Photos: Top - With Eden in the Salt Lake City Cemetary briefly without Oxygen, Bottom - My brother Brian with his daughter Ava Skye

Eden asked me the other day if I was “Blumpoe The Grumpo?” in reference to one of her bedtime stories. My roller coaster of emotions is challenging to deal with at home when it’s just the three of us. I do my best to control my frustrations as to try and not impose my own suffering upon others. I count my blessings. But, when my 3 year old notices a problem it breaks my heart.

The truth is I’m tired. It’s been a tough month! Having poor health, waiting for a heart transplant, experiencing a disturbing death in the family with my brother Brian passing, watching my daughter grow up too quickly before my eyes, and the burden my caring wife is undertaking, sobers my soul. In addition, I know folks suffering in their own set of circumstances. I ache to get well and give back to everyone who has selflessly cared for my family and me as well as reach those who need help.

It is in the quiet hours of my personal darkness that I continue to call out to God, our Heavenly Father, to help sustain me. He has never failed me. I have only failed Him because of my own inadequacies and weakness. Amidst my circumstantial frustrations I look to the future with hope! I see the Sun rising from the east bringing new life and a sense of purpose! I’m excited and determined to fight! Give me freedom! Give me life!

Yesterday I was reading Michele Gledhill’s heartfelt blog for her deceased little angel Gracie. I was inspired and uplifted by a quote she put there by my spiritual leader, Thomas S. Monson. He said, "Mortality is a period of testing, a time to prove ourselves worthy to return to the presence of our Heavenly Father. In order to be tested, we must sometimes face challenges and difficulties. At times there appears to be no light at the tunnel's end—no dawn to break the night's darkness. We feel surrounded by the pain of broken hearts, the disappointment of shattered dreams, and the despair of vanished hopes. We join in uttering the biblical plea 'Is there no balm in Gilead?' (Jeremiah 8:22). We are inclined to view our own personal misfortunes through the distorted prism of pessimism. We feel abandoned, heartbroken, and alone. If you find yourself in such a situation, I plead with you to turn to our Heavenly Father in faith. He will lift you and guide you! He will not always take your afflictions from you, but He will comfort and lead you with love through whatever storm you face.”

In addition, as I continue to contemplate the life of my brother Brian, I have found great joy and satisfaction in the precious opportunity of reading his journal. His soul and his words inspire me and I see life through a new lens. At an early age, while working as a missionary in Spain, he began compiling a journal full of his thoughts. It contains a list of nearly 100 goals and quotes that became personal mottoes. He wrote he didn’t want “a day by day summary of the routine they call life, but a record of the highlights… It could be that I die tomorrow, and these pages (journal) go left blank. Or it could be that I live to be 100 and slip into my eternal rest with a treasure of satisfied ambitions. That isn’t for me to decide. But it is for me to decide how I use the precious time that I have been granted.” He continued, “I’ve always believed that life is not just meant to spend time existing, but to spend it living. Dreams are the very sustenance of life. And as dreams are achieved, life’s purpose is achieved, and life is truly lived.”

I have chosen to follow the counsel of Thomas Monson and my brother Brian. Therein, I am confident any one of us can find peace, strength, and hope for a better tomorrow beginning by living today. In fact, here a few inspiring quotes Brian wrote in his journal that I am also adopting as my personal mottoes.

“Yesterday is but a dream, and tomorrow, is only a vision. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope.” -Unknown

“Happiness is a state of activity.” -Aristotle

“The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart.” –Helen Keller

“Experience is not what happens to a man, it’s what a man does with what happens to him.” –Auldous Huxley

“God left the world unfinished; the pictures unpainted, the songs unsung, and the problems unsolved, that man might know the joys of creation.” –Thomas S. Monson

“Simplify. Simplify.” –Henry David Thoreau

One of Brian's many gifts was making short films. He used to package these up and give them to his wife. Here is one he made for her. The film briefly chronicles their honeymoon to Peru. Together they supplied a "CHOICE" school with educational materials for some children. Later they climbed Mount Kilimanjaro which was one of the many things on Brian's list of goals.

As I climb my own mountain I know there will be many helping me carefully ascend to the top and slowly ascend renewed or born again with life.

Deseret News Article & Video

Musician awaiting heart transplant performs at Primary Children's telethon

By Carrie A. Moore
Photo by Jeffery D. Allred, Deseret News

Tuesday, June 2, 2009 11:24 p.m. MDT

Editor's note: This is the fourth story in an occasional series

Musician Paul Cardall doesn't get to the piano much anymore, but when he does, the music is straight from his heart, the tired one that needs to be replaced soon.

Two small cameo appearances last weekend during the 27th annual KSL/Primary Children's Medical Center telethon provided him a chance to give back to a hospital he's frequented so often, there's a bronze wall plaque outside the electrocardiogram lab bearing his name.

It was placed there years ago by family members, whose donation to the hospital came after he survived a Fontan surgery to treat severe congenital heart disease.

At 36, he regularly visits his doctors in the cardiology clinic at Primary Children's, despite the fact that almost all of his fellow patients are 18 or younger. Continue reading the story

What pulls me through?

(I've begun more iron infusions through my picc line which should give me boost.)

It's been a tough week. My body is tired. And I'll admit that I've been depressed at times and full of anxiety. And yet, at moments how can I feel empty? I have every reason to live and love.

What pulls me through?

Others. Family. Friends. All of you. My wife is beautiful in every way. Eden is adorable.

My former Bishop, who I served with as his executive secretary in our Church of volunteers, had his hip replaced. His recovery has been quick because he's a remarkable human being. He walked almost a mile to visit me using two forearm crutches. He's a man I admire and hope to one day be like.

Also, our neighbor who has cancer spread throughout her body, dropped off several dark red garden geraniums to add to the beauty of our yard which was spring cleaned by neighbors. They have green houses and spend time growing all kinds of vegetation. They also have a son whose had a heart transplant. She is a remarkable woman, who despite her illness, sits near us in church each week to thank God for what we have and hope for.

Another neighbor, a good man, father and husband, who has needed a liver transplant, who almost died a month ago, got a call for a liver. The surgery was a success and he is on the mend. It's a miracle. And we thank God.

When I am discouraged a tool that lifts me is music. With it's varying emotions and influence particular music pulls me through. What would the world be like without it? Pretty depressing. This past week I've been absorbing the lyrics and song from popular Christian artists MercyMe called I would die for you. The tune is on my playlist and is truly inspiring. It's as though they are singing my thoughts.

Finally, I had a great time watching the American Idol finale. I'll admit it. From a professional standpoint you can't go wrong with young newly discovered talent performing with icons Lionel Richie, KISS, Queen, Cindy Lauper, and others. The song Permanent former idol winner David Cook performed for his brother who died with a tumor was inspiring.

Heart Cath & Stent Done

I'm home after Monday's heart cath where they also put a stent in the right pulmonary artery. I feel much better. They were not however able to upgrade the use of my pacemaker. Oh Well. I'm home!!! I'm still a little tired and in bed most of the day but I am with Eden & Lynnette.