Radio Interviews and Sacred Piano

With all that’s transpired this past year I’ve put aside my music career to focus on family and getting a new heart. I have been able to maintain contact with fans in newsletters, including consulting a few musicians. Nonetheless, it's been difficult and a financial challenge as a father to put work on hold.

In the beginning I canceled a little over 20 gigs not knowing if I’d be available. In addition, I stepped away from the recording studio. My self run instrumental label Stone Angel Music released only 1 record from guitarist Ryan Tilby.

And yet, musically, I couldn’t be more full of emotion and appreciation. It’s as though music is flowing so deeply inside of me as to burst forth into symphonies offering praise to God for His kindness and mercy amidst suffering. He has taken good care of my little family. It's hard to sit still and not share something.

I'm grateful to Shadow Mountain Records. They reached out to me earlier this year in an effort to keep sharing my music. As a result, this past week they've released an album called Sacred Piano on my behalf. It's been interesting to sit back and let them do all of the work.

Sacred Piano came out of my desire to share 15 of my most personal songs from my 15-year career in relation to this sobering experience. The album features original and arranged piano compositions. In addition, while at home I was able to record three new pieces on my old grand piano for the CD, which include Gracie’s Theme, Amazing Grace, and Were You There?

This past week I had a couple of radio interviews over the phone from Primary Children’s Medical Center. We discussed everything from how I feel about waiting for a heart transplant to recording music.

I wanted to share these conversations with you in an effort to lift your day and give you hope in your own bright future. God can work miracles. It might not be a physical cure to a physical challenge but rather a spiritual change of heart within each of us. He has done this for me.

Interview with Steven Kapp Perry on The Cricket & Seagull Fireside Chat
LISTEN TO THE INTERVIEW

Interview with KSL Radio’s “People of Faith with Carole Mikita”
LISTEN TO THE INTERVIEW

More information on Sacred Piano visit:
http://www.paulcardall.com

Gracie's Theme: Music Video

Share the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVaaRx1-kSs

When I was born with my congenital heart defect in 1973 my parents almost lost me. Today, according to the American Heart Association, heart defects account for an average of 30% of all birth defect related deaths. No one should have to lose a child. And yet, these hard things happen daily.

Many years ago I was fortunate to travel with Richard Paul Evans' who wrote the #1 New York Times best-selling book The Christmas Box inspired by parents who've loss children. He had invited me to compose an album of piano music inspired by his work. Together as we toured the country I met thousands of parents who've experienced the death of a child or several children. It's a cross so hard and difficult to bear I'm not sure I can truly understand the depth or pain of such a thing. Needless to say, those who’ve crossed that difficult road and climbed that impossible mountain inspire me. They are some of the most kind, compassionate, humble, and open people I know.

Tom and Michele Gledhill are one such family. They dealt with congenital heart disease even before Gracie Jean was born on March 20, 2008. Their journey of ups and downs in fighting to keep their daughter alive by whatever means is a powerful example of love, hope, and faith. And although Gracie passed away on March 2, 2009 after a difficult heart transplant the Gledhills know she has returned to a loving God.

Gracie's brief mortal life empowers her family and those who knew her with virtues of humility, strength, compassion, openness, understanding, and a love for others. Their daughter was an angel, a gift, sent by God to bless lives.

What do I take away from knowing families like the Gledhills? Never give up! Never quit! Never lose sight of having faith in God. And in the end, if any of us are called home to the God who gave us life, before what some may call our time, can we declare, "I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith!"

It is with the uptmost respect and love that I share this montage of home movies and pictures from the Gledhill family. Their path reflects so many other families. I want to thank Michele and Tom for sharing their story with us. The video is set to "Gracie's Theme" which I wrote shortly after Gracie's passing.

I dedicate this video to every family who has lost a child.

My State of Mind is to Follow Good Counsel

Photos: Top - With Eden in the Salt Lake City Cemetary briefly without Oxygen, Bottom - My brother Brian with his daughter Ava Skye

Eden asked me the other day if I was “Blumpoe The Grumpo?” in reference to one of her bedtime stories. My roller coaster of emotions is challenging to deal with at home when it’s just the three of us. I do my best to control my frustrations as to try and not impose my own suffering upon others. I count my blessings. But, when my 3 year old notices a problem it breaks my heart.

The truth is I’m tired. It’s been a tough month! Having poor health, waiting for a heart transplant, experiencing a disturbing death in the family with my brother Brian passing, watching my daughter grow up too quickly before my eyes, and the burden my caring wife is undertaking, sobers my soul. In addition, I know folks suffering in their own set of circumstances. I ache to get well and give back to everyone who has selflessly cared for my family and me as well as reach those who need help.

It is in the quiet hours of my personal darkness that I continue to call out to God, our Heavenly Father, to help sustain me. He has never failed me. I have only failed Him because of my own inadequacies and weakness. Amidst my circumstantial frustrations I look to the future with hope! I see the Sun rising from the east bringing new life and a sense of purpose! I’m excited and determined to fight! Give me freedom! Give me life!

Yesterday I was reading Michele Gledhill’s heartfelt blog for her deceased little angel Gracie. I was inspired and uplifted by a quote she put there by my spiritual leader, Thomas S. Monson. He said, "Mortality is a period of testing, a time to prove ourselves worthy to return to the presence of our Heavenly Father. In order to be tested, we must sometimes face challenges and difficulties. At times there appears to be no light at the tunnel's end—no dawn to break the night's darkness. We feel surrounded by the pain of broken hearts, the disappointment of shattered dreams, and the despair of vanished hopes. We join in uttering the biblical plea 'Is there no balm in Gilead?' (Jeremiah 8:22). We are inclined to view our own personal misfortunes through the distorted prism of pessimism. We feel abandoned, heartbroken, and alone. If you find yourself in such a situation, I plead with you to turn to our Heavenly Father in faith. He will lift you and guide you! He will not always take your afflictions from you, but He will comfort and lead you with love through whatever storm you face.”

In addition, as I continue to contemplate the life of my brother Brian, I have found great joy and satisfaction in the precious opportunity of reading his journal. His soul and his words inspire me and I see life through a new lens. At an early age, while working as a missionary in Spain, he began compiling a journal full of his thoughts. It contains a list of nearly 100 goals and quotes that became personal mottoes. He wrote he didn’t want “a day by day summary of the routine they call life, but a record of the highlights… It could be that I die tomorrow, and these pages (journal) go left blank. Or it could be that I live to be 100 and slip into my eternal rest with a treasure of satisfied ambitions. That isn’t for me to decide. But it is for me to decide how I use the precious time that I have been granted.” He continued, “I’ve always believed that life is not just meant to spend time existing, but to spend it living. Dreams are the very sustenance of life. And as dreams are achieved, life’s purpose is achieved, and life is truly lived.”

I have chosen to follow the counsel of Thomas Monson and my brother Brian. Therein, I am confident any one of us can find peace, strength, and hope for a better tomorrow beginning by living today. In fact, here a few inspiring quotes Brian wrote in his journal that I am also adopting as my personal mottoes.

“Yesterday is but a dream, and tomorrow, is only a vision. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope.” -Unknown

“Happiness is a state of activity.” -Aristotle

“The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart.” –Helen Keller

“Experience is not what happens to a man, it’s what a man does with what happens to him.” –Auldous Huxley

“God left the world unfinished; the pictures unpainted, the songs unsung, and the problems unsolved, that man might know the joys of creation.” –Thomas S. Monson

“Simplify. Simplify.” –Henry David Thoreau

One of Brian's many gifts was making short films. He used to package these up and give them to his wife. Here is one he made for her. The film briefly chronicles their honeymoon to Peru. Together they supplied a "CHOICE" school with educational materials for some children. Later they climbed Mount Kilimanjaro which was one of the many things on Brian's list of goals.

As I climb my own mountain I know there will be many helping me carefully ascend to the top and slowly ascend renewed or born again with life.

Clinic Update & Concert Story

My bi-monthly clinic concluded that my health is stable. Isn’t it nice to be told your clinically stable? I have more color in my face. I’m producing more red blood cells. (This could explain my leaning toward college blue BYU all of these years.) On Tuesday, I will undergo a heart cath or cardiac catheterization.



My fellow cardiac pal Grant
We continue to get feedback from the concert and are hearing wonderful stories about people who attended the show. My wife and I are still humbled by the outpouring of love and support!

This came from Kyle & Alli, the parents of my fellow cardiac pal Grant, who is recovering from some challenging surgery.

“Last night, we had another huge blessing. We have wanted to attend a benefit concert for Paul Cardall (an musician who has a similar heart defect to Grant and who is waiting for his heart transplant), but we were unsure of where life would take us and so we did not buy tickets.

Yesterday, after we decided we trusted our nurses for the day and we knew our night nurse, we decided we could attempt our first real outing away from the hospital! To our dismay, tickets were sold out. We started trying to find some tickets and just after posting and emailing a few people, someone came on the intercom here and announced that they had tickets for the concert that they were not using that they wanted to donate to a family here on the floor. What a fast answer to a simple hopeful prayer! We claimed the tickets and were able to go with a few friends last night.

What a wonderful concert it was. I had major anxiety leaving Grant for so long, but it was good to be there. We met many heart families who we had previously known only through the world of blogs and thoroughly enjoyed the entertainment. Paul was able to stand with his family and thank those in attendance for their support and it was wonderful to see him, though weak, still full of hope.

There was a beautiful tribute to Gracie Gledhill and recognition of the many other families with "cardiac kids" and the whole heart community was there to embrace another. We spoke with Tom and Michele Gledhill right before the concert and I was so glad for their family to continue to see little Gracie living on and touching lives just as each of these sweet angel babies do to all who know them and their lives.

I loved being there, but I was glad to be back with my sweet baby.” - grantmeaheart.blogspot.com

There are a lot of cardiac kids who are in need of help and there are mother's with empty arms who need our prayers. And when you retire this evening remember them and don't forget to say one for Grant and his family.

Gracie passed away last night

Gracie Gledhill passed away last night. She was born last March with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome (HLHS). Gracie had her first surgery, the Norwood, at 4 days old. She was scheduled for her second surgery, the Glenn, on February 12, 2009 but it was determined that her heart was too sick and the surgery would be too risky. Gracie needed a heart transplant to live. A heart became available after only three days and she had a heart transplant on February 22, 2009. Unfortunately, the heart didn't take and she came out of surgery on life support (ECMO). Yesterday she was taken off life support and gradually slipped away.

For a short season Gracie influenced a lot of people. My wife and I have shed many tears for this child, her siblings, and parents who we’ve never met personally. But, we share the same doctors, the same hospital, religious beliefs, and corresponded through email. Incidentally, my wife and I have loved the name Gracie and had planned to give that name to a daughter we miscarried (which was our fifth miscarriage).

Anyone who reads the Gledhills journey of ups and downs in dealing with Gracie’s congenital heart disease will feel a closeness or connection with her because all us are dealing in some way or another with life and it’s challenges. Gracie left behind her brothers Max, Taylor, sister Callie, and her mom Michele and dad Tom.

Over the years I have been deeply affected by other sick children I’ve associated with while staying in Primary Children’s Medical Center in Salt Lake City, Utah. It’s heart breaking to know parents who’ve fought to keep their children alive only to see them slowly slip away back into God’s loving arms. And it’s inspiring to witness children who’ve been fortunate to continue their journey in this life. I am one of those. Regardless of the outcome it seems that these lives teach all of us the value of own lives and how fragile we are. We live for a short while but in the end we all go home to that God who gave us life. But, some of us get to go a little earlier than expected.

One of the songs on this blog is by Annie Lennox called Into the West for the film Return of the King: Lord of the Rings Trilogy - Read the inspiring lyrics. Click Here

Say a Prayer for Gracie

I have been deeply affected by a little girl named Gracie Gledhill. It has been a roller coaster ride for her sweet family whom I’ve never met. I heard about her from Leslie Cluff who lost her child to CHD. Immediately, I was drawn to Gracie’s story. Her young mother, father, 2 brothers, 1 sister, and a countless number of people have been praying for this little girl. Gracie was born with a severe congenital heart disease. After various up hill battles, hope and prayer, she was listed for a heart last Tuesday. She was placed at the top of the list under the care of my transplant physician. I witnessed a miracle when I learned Saturday night that a call came. Doctors had a heart for Gracie. Throughout the night, morning, afternoon, and into the evening, her mother updated the blog whenever they had news. I kept checking in to see what was happening.

But, today she is struggling to survive because her body is rejecting the heart. I don’t know what’s going to happen. But, I am humbled. This is a sobering experience. A great man once wrote something like, “I don’t know the meaning of all things but I know that God loves his children.”

(Picture: These machines are the ECMO. They can sustain Gracie for a a little more than a week.)

Say a prayer for the Gracie Gledhill family.