A Heart for Christmas | Or Not

The call came at 12:45am. “We have a heart for you,” the voice on the other line said. I was in shock. I had prepared for the call but because it came early Christmas morning and the fact that it was a real call left me speechless and emotional. We had until 2am to get to the hospital. The operation would take place at either 6 or 7am.

I called my parents to meet us at the hospital. They called my siblings to let them know what was going on. Early that night, we had all gathered with the husbands, wives, and kids for our annual Christmas Eve dinner at my parents. It was a great night. We had a special family prayer and the kids acted out the nativity. My wife and daughter left to go home at 11pm. Before putting my 3-year-old daughter to bed we each opened a present. We put her in bed and then Santa came. Then the phone rang.

We arrived at the hospital feeling a great sense of peace and comfort. The time had come and I was ready. Nurses began the preparations. Everyone was extremely positive and saying things like, “Merry Christmas!” and “What a great Christmas gift.”

I received a rather larger IV and a lot of blood was drawn from my already existing picc line for lab work. They had me wash my chest and groin area (where the major arteries are for the heart lung machine) with special medical soap. It was a little cold. Then surgeons came into my room a little before 5am and told my wife and my parents what was expected. He mentioned the “difficulty” of my particular case because of my heart’s anatomy. It would be challenging to get the old heart out. There would be a lot of bleeding. He said, "There is an 80% chance we'll have to go back in later to help stop bleeding." He said chances are I might not make it. Although he had to talk about the downside or the surgery he also mentioned they have an 80-90% success rate with these surgeries on post fontan patients. But, the harsh realities left me a little depressed but I still felt great peace. I had understood the depth of this procedure previously but when you are minutes away from it actually happening life becomes quite sobering.

They came to get me at 5:20am and before the anesthesiologist took me into the operating room I talked briefly with my wife and parents. I kissed Lynnette, told her how much I love her, and then headed down the hallway.

In the cold, brightly lit, O.R., nurses lifted me from my bed onto that firm, narrow, operating table I have become familiar with over the years. I received a dose of versed (Midazolam) for anxiety and preparation. Before I went completely under we were waiting to hear from one of the surgeons, who had gone to harvest the donor heart, if everything was absolutely perfect and good to go. About 30 minutes later the news came. “The new heart had a problem undetected until they looked at it face to face and would not work,” they said. It had an aneurysm which would require some additional surgery on top of everything else we're dealing with.

I didn’t know what to feel. Shock? Relief? Disappointment? I have felt all of those things. Nonetheless, we called it off.

Lynnette and I came home 5 hours later to Christmas morning. My daughter, who had been taken good care of by my sister n’ law, asked if I brought her a sucker from the hospital and things seemed back to normal. I was anxious to experience Santa with my child. One of the gifts from Santa for my daughter was a Fisher Price Medical Kit. She practiced giving shots to me and listened to my heart beat.

I am thankful for the love and support of my family and friends, particularly my sweet wife Lynnette.

This is a roller coaster of emotions. In a way, this experience seems like a brief 2nd opportunity of time before we find out the real outcome of my life’s journey. I am ready for another call but for now I’ll enjoy this weekend with my wife and daughter as we humbly celebrate the birth of the babe in Bethlehem some 2000 years ago.
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Time, precious time
How quickly the leaves fall from the tree.
Time, oh precious time
In a blink of an eye a child grows old.
And in the pursuit of joy and happiness
Lies time
But quickly it fades
And all we have are memories
Precious moments
Remembered in time.
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The Blessings of Christmas

Two months ago all I could do is lay around because doctors were trying to figure out how to get my heart failure under control. I was in need of a serious tune up.

Whether it's a consequence or not, I was humbled to learn that my family, friends, fans of my music, and those I don't even know began praying for me.

I want everyone to know that God is good to me and loves you because for the past two weeks, as we get closer to Christmas I have felt great. Not 100%, but well enough to get out a few ours each day. Well enough, to make gingerbread houses with my kid. Well enough to laugh and enjoy this time of year. And it's because of prayer and the wisdom of my doctors that I am tuned up for a time. And what better time than Christmas!

Prayer is gift. Life is a gift. Family is a gift. And I am more than happy this particular time of year to celebrate the Birth of our Lord.

Ridin' The Hoverround in Costco!

Man, I can't believe how much fun it is to drive a Hoverround scooter all over Costco! I had seen how much fun the folks were having in those commercials during my daily watching of "The Price is Right" but I never new it was true. The other thing that amazes me is that you can scoot around Costco in less than 20 minutes and still spend almost $500.

On a serious note; and in regards to my PLE (Protein Losing Enteropathy), I finally learned the importance of avoiding fat food. The more fat I eat the more protein I lose from my system. I am also losing a lot of blood in my intestinal tract too. This is also another contributor to my anemia. I am greatly motivated to eat less fat and continue eating a ton of protein.

At Costco I bought protein bars and shakes for my diet. I am also eating a lot of meat, eggs, and anything else with protein. Of course, it is still difficult to avoid some fat.

Overall, it's been a good week. I'm stable and have been fortunate to ride a scooter in Costco for a few hours and go to Church for an hour. Life is good!!

106 days on the list. 15 weeks. All is Well.

106 days on the list. 15 weeks. Any predictions?

Despite the minor physical anxieties of waiting for a heart, always wearing oxygen, taking a bazillion pills, giving myself shots twice a day, and carrying around a bag of medication going directly into a permanent IV in my right arm, I have the larger anxieties experienced by those who are sick for a long time and happily married. Keep in mind that I am too tired to stay busy so all you have to do all day is think and reflect. Above all, you hope your wife, the love of your life, is happy, fulfilled, and appreciated because of her sacrifice, service, and love.

My dad is a journalist and once interviewed one of my hero's Howard Hunter, a former spiritual leader of the LDS church and community giant. The man was soft spoken and humble despite his enormous list of credentials and accomplishments. In the interview my dad asked about all the years that Pres. Hunter tenderly cared for his sick wife who later died in a rest home. "How where you able to do that all those years?" my dad asked. President Hunter with some emotion and pause in his voice said, "She would of done the same thing for me."

I'm also reminded of another time that I was at Bryner Clinic in Salt Lake to see my family doctor. While waiting I observed a feeble old woman waiting for the pharmacist to complete her prescription. She was with her husband. They were both very old, petite and weak. She sat in a wheel chair and was so tired that her head kept falling backward. And I watched this husband, who stood by her side, hold her head up, even though his hands shook and they had to wait for some time. I think he held her head for 20 minutes.

I also remember while serving a mission for my LDS church I was responsible for several missionaries of which were an old couple serving in a small mining town in California. Like all of our missionaries they were responsible to knock on doors and share a message of love about Jesus Christ. The wife had really bad arthritis and knees. At many times she couldn't use her legs because of the pain. But, she didn't want to give up. Her husband drove them in the car from house to house. He would get out and knock on the door while his wife waited. If people said yes to letting them he'd go to the car, open the door, pick up his wife and carry her into the home so they could do what they loved to do most which was bring hope to people through their message.

These several experiences that I observed are always on my mind. And I hope I get the chance to show the same expression of love and service for my wife who has so kindly sacrificed, served, and loved me through this experience. It is much easier to serve than to be served.