2009 | Looking Back

A month or two after I was listed for a heart transplant on August 20, 2008 my parents, brothers and sisters along with their spouses, a few of which were in town from Dallas and Las Vegas, gathered in my grandparent’s home to discuss the transplant list and the serious nature of my heart failure. We had a family prayer and then my Dad said something to the effect, “We are going to have a rather tough year ahead of us, but I feel Paul is going to make it.”

After we discussed several other issues, my father and brothers gathered around me and blessed me according to the traditions of my Mormon faith. Led by my father and the faith of my sisters in the room, my brothers gave me what we call a priesthood blessing. As part of the experience I was told I would feel God’s love through the ordeal and be blessed with strength to endure the challenges ahead. In addition, my father was impressed to say I would get well.

As 2009 draws to a close, looking back who would have thought that two of the men in that room would have passed away leaving me with a miraculous recovery and a second chance at life?

Within seven months, my younger brother Brian was tragically killed in a taser incident the details of which are confusing, ridiculous, and painful. This was a sad and unfortunate event that obviously could have been prevented. I continue to wrestle with the nature of his death.

Here I was waiting for a new heart, which requires someone to die, my whole family praying for my survival, and another member of our family dies.

Could life be anymore ironic? Where could I find understanding and peace? How can any of us find answers to life’s most challenging moments with such tragedy?

Devastated and heartbroken our family understood the sacrifice, heartache and pain my donor’s family would feel losing their son, brother, father, and friend.

Later, my grandfather Layton, who joined us in that room with Brian more than a year ago, quietly slipped to the other side on a Sunday evening in November. This was a much more welcomed occasion because he had enjoyed a full life and raised a large posterity of more than 100 people loyal to one another.

For me, with the passing of these great men, including my donor, I found strength in prayer, attending Church to be with others who also love God, reading inspiring books, and overall, listening intently to music. The right type of music always opens a conduit to heaven for me.

I was particularly inspired by fellow musician Steven Curtis Chapman, who released an album inspired by his struggle to deal with the death of his own daughter. His son backed the car out of the driveway accidentally injuring the little girl who later was pronounced dead at the hospital.

As Chapman struggled to find hope and understanding from a kind and merciful God he'd proclaim to believe in his entire life, he humbly wrote the words:

It was the day the world went wrong
I screamed til my voice was gone
And watched through the tears as everything
came crashing down
Slowly panic turns to pain
As we awake to what remains
and sift through the ashes that are left
behind

But buried deep beneath
All our broken dreams
we have this hope:

Out of these ashes... beauty will rise
and we will dance among the ruins
We will see Him with our own eyes
Out of these ashes... beauty will rise
For we know, joy is coming in the morning...
in the morning, beauty will rise

Photo: Taking my daughter Eden snowmobiling. Just one of the many amazing things I can do with my hear transplant

Truly, this has been a year of life and death, joy and sadness, miracles and tragedy. I have been grieving not only my brother and grandfather, but I am grieving my donor. Nonetheless, I do believe out of these ashes beauty will rise!

As I’ve taken this journey I’ve come to know other people suffering from congenital heart defects and terminal diseases. I’ve attended too many funerals. Each one has been extremely special, important, as has reaffirmed to me the reality of God and life after death. To say this life is all there is, for me, is madness. No matter what science proves science belongs to God. It is His tool to save mankind and redeem them from a fallen state to a state of eternal happiness.

I am grateful for life. We have no idea when it will be over. We don’t know our time to leave this beautiful world unless we have a terminal diagnosis. As one who was faced with death in 2009, and somehow by the grace of God has been given a new lease on life, I can’t tell you how thankful I am for those of you who prayed selflessly for our family this past year. Truly, 2009 has been one to remember. Our souls have been stretched and our relationship to the Creator has been strengthened.

Photo: My daughter Eden with my brother Brian's daughter Ava

Here’s to 2010, may there be less trials and tribulations and more laughter, silly behavior, and fun memories.

And on a serious note, when your depressed or your heart is aching remember these words from Steven Curtis Chapman which helped me through 2009.

When you think you've hit the bottom
and the bottom gives way
and you fall into a darkness
no words can explain
and you don't know how you make it out alive
Jesus will meet you there.

When the doctor says, "I'm sorry,
we don't know what else to do."
and you're looking at your family
wondering how they'll make it through...
Whatever road this life takes you down,
Jesus will meet you there.

He knows the way to wherever you are
He knows the way to the depths of your heart
He knows the way cuz he's already been
where you're going
Jesus will meet you there.

Photo: Having a great time at Fratelli Ristorante in Sandy, Utah for our family Christmas dinner.

Merry Christmas!

This past year has been a roller coaster ride. We’ve experienced loss of family members and enjoyed new life. We’ve been reminded of how precious our time on earth is and how much we mean to each other.

We are humbled to have experienced a modern miracle from God. I survived a challenging heart transplant.

After the surgery one of my Cardiologist said to the Deseret News, “I think Paul's benefiting from everybody’s prayers and his own faith. He’s got me convinced. I’ve known him for the last year, and I certainly can’t find a better explanation.”

Yes, it is because of your thoughtful prayers and faith. How can we express our appreciation for you and our friendship? It is impossible.

Truly, the Lord has been very kind.

More than ever you can imagine how happy we are to celebrate the birth of our Savior.

Psalms 147:3 reads “He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.” This applies to all of us.

This holiday season please know our family loves you!

Interviewed by Steve Catoe, Adventures of a Funky Heart!

I was fortunate to do an interview with fellow congenital heart defect survivor and friend Steve Catoe. His popular blog, Adventures of A Funky Heart, provides wonderful insight into the world of congenital heart disease. He often travels to share his own story and provide hope and understanding concerning our chronic illness.

Living for Eden: Paul Cardall, Tricuspid Atresia

By Steve

Recently I had the chance to interview Paul Cardall, an award-winning musician, (His album Sacred Piano recently hit #5 on the Billboard New Age Album charts) Husband, Father, and fellow Heart Warrior. Like me, Paul has Tricuspid Atresia, (along with Transposition of the Great Arteries) and he recently underwent a successful heart transplant. I’ve kept you updated on Paul and his need for a transplant here on Funky Heart!, but you can read his entire story over at his blog, Living for Eden.

Funky Heart! readers have heard me describe my heart defect many times, but every defect is different – and its effects are different, from one CHDer to another. When I asked Paul to describe his heart defects in his own terms, he wrote “Before my heart transplant, I was born with what my parents and cardiologist called a half heart. Only half of my heart was functioning. The other half was either missing or not being used. As I grew into adulthood I learned the serious nature and depth of my congenital heart defect. I was living primarily on a single ventricle instead of two. In addition the major vessels that carry and deliver blood from my heart were swapped.”

CONTINUE THE INTERVIEW - CLICK HERE

Nurses in My Life

There are 2.9 million nurses in the United States. My life is blessed because of the nursing profession.

My wife is one of them. For nearly a decade she has tirelessly worked the 12-hour shift occurring on nights, weekends, holidays, and regular days at LDS Hospital and Intermountain Medical Center in Murray, Utah in the newborn intensive care unit working with premature infants.

I’ve seen Lynnette come home so tired and emotionally drained because of concern over one of her patients that I’ve wondered what she’s been doing all day. Because of HIPPA laws she is not at liberty to tell me. However, I know somewhere out in our community there is a family who is better for having my wife in their life during a challenging time period to provide comfort and medical care.

As a professional patient living with a severe heart problem, I have not only fallen in love with and married one of the finest nurses, but I’ve been cared for by hundreds of these folks my entire life.

A couple of weeks ago, I was extremely fortunate with my wife to host a party for the many pediatric nurses who cared for me during my seven-week stay in Primary Children’s Medical Center when I received a heart transplant. They don’t usually see each other out of scrubs, so we enjoyed a wonderful time eating food, talking, and listening to several musician friends play music.

Photo: Some of my nurses from the PCMC CSU Unit

I could not think of a kinder group of people who selflessly serve and accommodate families without much public recognition. I can play a piece of music and an audience of a thousand applauds. Yet, these nurses tenderly and quietly care for individuals and no one knows about it except those involved. Such acts of kindness and service are the miracles distributed in the medical community.